Festive dating! Autistic woman finds unhealthy father figure to replicate trauma with
A straight autistic woman who seeks out unhealthy father figures in her romantic life has found the perfect jolly, yet mercurial older man to trigger her complex PTSD, it has been rumoured. Sarah Harrow, 29, who seeks out partners who are at least 20 years...
Flirting? Autistic woman thought ghost was just really into pottery
An autistic potter has only just realised that she has been conducting an intense love affair with a ghost for the last three months, and not just teaching him about creating earthenware, it has been announced. Dexter Livingstone, 27, started turning up in the workshop...
Autistic woman celebrates spooky season by getting ghosted again
An autistic woman has marked the arrival of spooky season by getting ghosted once more, it has been rumoured. Niamh Callaghan, 26, had been engaging in flirty banter with Cameron Brereton, 29, for a little over three weeks when he abruptly disappeared from all social...
Torn apart! My therapist hates his therapist
An autistic couple have reportedly split after realising they have incompatible therapists. Dexter Livingstone, 35, and Paige Thomas, 32, made the decision to end their one-year relationship as psychotherapists Becky Armitage and Olivia Buckingham couldn’t make things work. Thomas said: “Dexter and I really did...
Wow! Autistic couple making ecstatic noises in bedroom must be enjoying bashing train sets together
An autistic couple loudly moaning with pleasure in their bedroom are “having a great time playing with their train sets,” their housemates have said. Paige Thomas, 26 and boyfriend Dexter Livingstone, 28, are frequently overheard from behind their closed door groaning, sighing and shouting “fuck...
Upsetting! Autistic man answers honestly when girlfriend asks “what are you thinking?”
An autistic man is baffled over his girlfriend’s inexplicable and abrupt change in mood after he answered honestly when asked what he was thinking, witnesses have claimed. Dexter Livingstone, 30, was in bed with girlfriend, Kelsey Dacey, 26, when she asked “what are you thinking?”...
Autistic woman’s crush demon seeks new host
An autistic woman’s crush demon has forced her to begin horrible dating again, it has been confirmed. Kelsey Dacey, 25, who recently had her heart broken by the last mediocre guy she projected an entire personality onto, is not ready to meet someone new –...
Autistic relationship begins with more complex negotiations than Brexit deal
A new romantic relationship between two autistic people has begun with a round-table summit involving a team of highly paid lawyers and an elaborate set of oddly specific terms, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 38, and Dexter Livingstone, 45, who are both autistic, decided...
Boyfriend chewing again
An autistic woman’s boyfriend is chewing very, very loudly, sources have confirmed. Beth Hapworth, 29, has been shooting murderous glares at her boyfriend of two years, Gavin Monks, 28, ever since he opened that bag of tortilla chips. She said: “If I took a pillow...
Poly woman really not trying to fuck you
An autistic woman who just told you she’s polyamorous has absolutely no interest in banging you, so chill the fuck out, sources have revealed. Sarah Harrow, 27, who currently has two romantic partners and the busiest effing iPhone calendar you’ve ever seen, not only doesn’t...
