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    Health, News

    Fraud! Autistic woman’s brain writing cheques her body can’t cash  

    An autistic woman has been accused of fraud following reports of her emotional and energetic cheques bouncing, authorities have stated. Lottie Fitzgerald, 34, is due to appear in court later this month charged with “displaying unreasonable optimism with no basis in precedent”, as well as...
    Sara Gibbs, 20 hours ago 2 min read  
    News, Work

    Autistic woman trying to get out of work socials runs out of grandparents to kill off 

    An autistic woman has run out of grandparents to kill off as an excuse to get out of work social events, according to sources. Kelsey Dacey, 40, has managed to get out of white water rafting, rock climbing and other oddly Lara Croft-coded activities by...
    Sarah Amero, 2 days ago 2 min read  
    Lifestyle, News

    Autism support group revealed to be front for underground D&D ring 

    A support group for autistic people has revealed itself to be nothing more than a front for a sickening underground Dungeons and Dragons ring, it has been reported. A local chapter of the ‘Little Buddies Network’, an initiative designed to bring autistic people together to...
    Sarah Amero, 3 days ago 2 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman finally hands herself in for shoplifting that metallic blue nail polish in 1997 

    An autistic woman has turned herself in to the authorities after years on the run following a shoplifting incident in the late 1990s, police have confirmed.  Kelsey Dacey, 37, told reporters that she has spent the better part of three decades “looking over her shoulder”...
    Sara Gibbs, 4 days ago 2 min read  
    News, Relationships

    “You can unmask with me” says neurotypical who doesn’t realise you’re feral 

    A non-autistic friend who wants you to feel safe to unmask with them has no idea what they’re saying, it has been confirmed.  Eli Port, 44, would like you to be comfortable enough to be your true self – but is reportedly unaware that your...
    Sara Gibbs, 5 days ago 1 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman just assumed everyone was consuming media critically 

    An autistic woman has made the foolish and illogical assumption that other people consume media critically instead of taking everything at face value, it has been claimed. Megan Aldrich, 33, was shocked to discover that, despite a long history of debunked headlines, Snopes-worthy urban legends...
    Sarah Amero, 6 days ago 1 min read  
    News

    Autistic man humblebragging forgets to do the “humble” part  

    An autistic man attempting to slip a sneaky little brag into an otherwise self-deprecating statement has completely fucked it, it has been confirmed.  Gavin Monks, 45, reportedly intended to do a thing he’d read about called “humblebragging”, but instead skipped straight to the bragging bit....
    Sara Gibbs, 7 days ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Pregnant autistic woman can use her birth plan as a coffee table 

    An autistic mother-to-be has produced a birth plan so substantial that it has been temporarily repurposed to furnish her home, sources have claimed. Avery Mann, 25, has written a document outlining her preferences in every possible scenario – and quite a few impossible ones. At...
    Laura Richmond, 1 week ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Autistic woman asked where it hurts gestures vaguely at entire life 

    An autistic woman asked to describe the source of her pain has no idea where to begin, it has been reported. Miya Wilkes, 29, called an ambulance after suffering a fall at home. When paramedic Avery Mann, 39, arrived on the scene and asked her...
    Sarah Amero, 1 week ago 2 min read  
    News, Relationships

    Uh oh! AuDHD man finds someone polite enough to be captive audience  

    An AuDHD man is reportedly “chewing the ear off” a new acquaintance who’s too nice to simply wander off like everybody else does. Mac Wheatley, 38, was delighted to find himself seated next to Anand Trivedi, 46, at a mutual friend’s wedding, after Trivedi proved...
    Sara Gibbs, 1 week ago 2 min read  
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