Mortifying! Autistic woman forgets to mirror exactly same amount of kisses at end of text
An autistic woman has been left “inconsolable” after sending a text with two kisses on the end when the acquaintance she had been texting had sent three, it has been rumoured. Navya Randhawa, 30, made the unforgivable error when attempting to book a hair appointment...
Vaccines cause autism, says worm that ate RFK Jr’s brain
The worm that infiltrated and feasted on RFK Jr’s brain has claimed that vaccines cause children to catch autism. The Great and Powerful Worm, 15, which faked its own death over a decade ago, has since been secretly acquiring territory, and has reportedly now consolidated...
Feminist boyfriend totally fine with autistic girlfriend being a crazy bitch
A self-proclaimed feminist man has reassured his autistic girlfriend that he supports her right to be batshit crazy at all times, it has been revealed. Jack Harrington, 30, totally acknowledges his privilege of being a man – especially as he is unencumbered by the lady...
Autistic woman wondering if she has ADHD or if she’s just high all the time
An autistic woman is questioning whether she is AuDHD or just enjoys a toke, it has been rumoured. Paige Thomas, 37, who is diagnosed as autistic, frequently misplaces things, forgets what she was saying mid-sentence and has trouble controlling her impulses – but usually experiences...
Autistic man on holiday adjusts to everything being different just in time to go home
An autistic man who decided to go abroad for “a bit of a change” has finally adjusted to everything being completely different on day 13 of his two-week trip. Aidan Michaels, 35, who booked a fortnight’s holiday to Portugal – having briefly forgotten about the...
The autistic guide to waving exuberantly without accidentally Sieg Heiling
We’ve all done it. Who hasn’t been innocently hanging out at the inauguration of a man dubbed by people in his own party as the next Hitler and accidentally performed a Nazi salute that could only be more blatant if it was accompanied by a...
AuDHD woman’s special interest is her phone
An AuDHD woman has revealed that her special interest is compulsively opening and closing apps on her phone. Kelsey Dacey, 37, who is definitely not a phone addict, just has a hyperfixation on the lovely glowy supercomputer full of instant dopamine hits. Dacey said: “It’s...
Autistic woman not ready to admit visit to animal shelter was a mistake
An autistic woman who thought she could simply view the cats and dogs at a local shelter and then leave without any cats or dogs is not yet ready to admit she was wrong, it has been confirmed. The first cracks in 32-year-old Beth Hapworth’s...
AuDHD person’s comedy accent just weird and ambiguous enough to not be racist
An AuDHD person has reassured the public that the comedy accent they compulsively put on is too non-specific to target any one group of people. Jay Chester, 29, who usually adopts the bizarre dialect when they’re trying to ask for something without sounding like an...
Only non-dyspraxic in autistic friend group tasked with opening all the crisps
The only non-dyspraxic person in an autistic friendship group has been officially appointed Chief Crisp Packet Opener, it has been announced. Dexter Livingstone, 28, nicknamed Dextrous Dexter for his ability to use his fingers without somehow instigating a nuclear meltdown, has also been tasked with...
