“Burned out” autistic woman just on hiatus
An autistic woman who has paused all her life activities in order to lie in bed, catatonic, has announced that this is simply a break in production. Star of The Paige Thomas Show, Paige Thomas, 29, whose series unexpectedly went off-air mid-season, has promised that...
Autistic boomer man unaware he’s new female friend’s reply guy
An autistic man in his 60s who recently began communicating a well-known woman in her early 20s online is reportedly referring to her as his “good friend, Paige.” Robert Noot, 63, who followed 23-year-old influencer Paige Thomas on Bluesky one month ago, now thinks of...
Autistic woman doesn’t want to take credit for other people’s work and also for her own work
An autistic woman trying to avoid taking credit for her colleagues’ work reportedly also doesn’t want to take credit for her own work, for some reason. Miya Wilkes, 34, insists on being conscientious about giving everyone their dues – except for herself, because everything she...
Autistic woman mad at you for “no reason” actually has hyper-specific grievance
An autistic woman accused of being “irrationally angry” actually has an incredibly specific and justifiable reason for being pissed off with you, it has been rumoured. Niamh Callaghan, 29, reportedly became unreasonably furious with you when all you did was eat an ice cream –...
Neurotypical man wows world by speaking continuously about special interest for 25 hours
Headline by Jon Halling A man has been hailed as a “hero” after spending 25 straight hours infodumping about his special interest, despite the disadvantage of his neurotypicalism. Senator Cory Booker, 55, broke the record for the longest senate speech, in a move autistics worldwide...
Expert! GP who did six years of medical school suggests mindful colouring
A general practitioner who went to medical school for six years now treats anxiety by prescribing a mindful colouring book and box of crayons, sources have reported. Dr. Graeme Hart, who paid almost £125k for his training, really thinks you’d benefit from scribbling on this...
Whoops! Autism charity inadvertently helps autistic person
An autism charity has come under fire today after accidentally helping an actual autistic person, reports have indicated. Directors at Autism Shrieks have reportedly spent an emergency meeting trying to placate their board after assistance was erroneously provided to autistic adult, Miya Wilkes, 30. In...
Huh? Autistic woman wondering how she became centre of friend group drama
An autistic woman minding her own business has somehow become the scapegoat for friend-group beef that has absolutely nothing to do with her, it has been rumoured. Third-year Law student, Ellie Mulligan, 22, was reportedly “just trying to have a nice, chill time” when she...
AuDHD woman who forgot to text you back a decade ago wondering if it’s too late
An AuDHD woman who forgot to reply to your message ten years ago has spent the subsequent decade deliberating over how to re-instigate contact, sources have claimed. Freya Emerson, 35, reportedly failed to respond to your casual request for a coffee as she didn’t know...
Starmer: “The moral case for bludgeoning those cute bush baby things you see at the zoo”
Prime Minister Keir Starmer has issued a statement explaining the “moral case” for bashing to death the adorable, wide-eyed bush babies holding back our nation. Having tackled other societal menaces, such as disabled adults and transgender children, Starmer announced yesterday that he’d be forming a...
