Study finds only thing worse than being ignored is being perceived
The only thing worse than nobody noticing you is somebody acknowledging your stupid, embarrassing existence, a study has revealed. The study, conducted by researchers who had reportedly “run out of ideas”, showed that while going through life feeling invisible is painful, it’s nowhere near as...
Autistic Pride Day welcome break from Autistic Shame Year
Autistic Pride Day is to provide a much-needed temporary respite from the remainder of a year spent marinating in shame, it has been rumoured. The event, which takes place today, the 18th of June, encourages autistics to feel positive about themselves – until the clock...
Autistic writer upset they can’t submit second draft of conversation
An autistic writer has reportedly been left “frustrated” that they are unable to submit the second draft of the very stupid thing they just said in casual conversation. Jay Chester, 48, who regularly puts their foot in their mouth during routine social interactions, often redrafts...
Advertorial: Autistic completionist’s life ruined after discovering a History of Rock Music in 500 Songs
An autistic man who needs to find out everything there is to know about his special interest or his brain will itch until he’s dead has had his life “ruined” by discovering the single most verbose music history podcast in a frankly overcrowded market, it...
I don’t know if I’m autistic, says woman whose special interest is autism
A woman doesn’t know if she’s autistic despite being completely hyperfixated on autism, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 29, is unsure of whether or not she would meet the criteria for an autism diagnosis, yet simply relates to a bunch of stuff autistic woman say,...
Autistic woman actually more of a manic pixie reality girl
An autistic woman frequently mistaken for a manic pixie dream girl is actually more of a manic pixie cold-hard-dose-of-reality girl, it has been confirmed. Beth Hapworth, 26, who is often confused by straight men for the whimsical nymph of their male-gazey fantasies, will, in fact,...
Ugh! Autistic woman about to do stupid right thing again
An autistic woman is reportedly yet again about to do the wretched morally correct thing, even though it will cost her dearly. Tricia Squire, 34, told reporters that all she wants is a quiet life – but try telling that to her horrid, self-righteous little...
Autistic woman’s one-step skincare routine is better than nothing, she guesses
An autistic woman’s one-step skincare routine is reportedly better than a no-step skincare routine – probably. 37-year-old Emma Bernard used to make the effort to cleanse, tone and moisturise twice a day – but then they changed what you’re supposed to do to include all...
Trains! This autistic woman challenges autism stereotypes by being stereotypically autistic
An autistic woman has challenged the stereotype that women don’t always fit the autism stereotype by being stereotypically autistic, sources have confirmed. Beth Hapworth, 29, who was diagnosed in childhood, loves trains and has never so much as attempted to fake eye contact by looking...
They didn’t have autism in my day, says man unaware he had autism in his day
A man who claims that nobody had autism “in his day” is reportedly unaware that he both had autism in his day and that the sun has not yet set on his day. Gavin Monks, 65 – who books his car in for regular services...
