Autistic chef uses fidget square to bake teeny tiny cakes
An autistic chef has found an unusual use of a sensory bubble fidget square – baking the most minuscule cakes imaginable. Natasha Weaving, 45, from Ormskirk said: “As a Christmas stocking filler, it felt somewhat clichéd and a tad patronising. Especially when I’d asked for...
Autistic Goldilocks rejects bears’ porridge due to needing very particular spoon
An autistic woman has declined three bowls of porridge belonging to three bears due to requiring a specific spoon to eat them with, it has been reported. The woman, 21, a petty criminal from Sherwood, known only by her gang nickname, Goldilocks, allegedly snuck in...
Autistic woman hides crush by just being weird with everybody
An autistic woman has identified a foolproof way of obscuring her romantic feelings – by ensuring every encounter is as sufficiently weird as the last one. And according to Paige Thomas, 29, from Stockport – she’s never even had to try. “I just behave strangely...
Organised! Woman already in touch with therapist after family Christmas
An autistic woman has already contacted her therapist to arrange a session after spending Christmas in her childhood home, reports have indicated. Miya Wilkes, 29, made the decision to return to her hometown of Runcorn during the festive period, in the vague hope that it...
New Year’s resolution! Autistic person proposes Meet-Free Mondays
An autistic person has confirmed their New Year’s resolution is adopting “Meet-Free Mondays”, according to reports. Jay Chester, 34, from Preston, said: “I’ve gave up eating animals ages ago. This is about me enjoying my Richmond meat-free sausages in a solitary space where nobody else...
Fucked it! Autistic woman hurls 2025 diary into volcano after making minor error on first page
An autistic woman has insisted she has “absolutely fucked it” after making a slight spelling mistake on the first page of her 2025 diary, sources have confirmed. Natasha Weaving, 34, from Rhyl, had just written down a resolution to be more “environmentally friendly” in the...
Tragic! New Year’s Eve dress that makes you look the hottest hurts the most
An autistic woman has been left “distraught” after discovering that a New Year’s outfit that makes her look as “fit as fuck” absolutely kills, according to sources. Paige Thomas, 26, from Fazakerley, had optimistically ordered the sequinned wrap mini-dress in the Boxing Day sales –...
Cartoon character? Autistic woman just wears the one outfit
Despite owning an entire wardrobe full of clothes, an autistic woman continues to opt for the same outfit daily – for reasons that continue to remain a mystery. Krista Shure, 31, from Cheshire, picks her favourite pair of skinny jeans and white cotton T-shirt every...
Crisis report! Family just won’t leave
In a recent alarming report, even though Christmas is over, your extended family is refusing to depart the premises. Despite autistic people supposedly having a reputation for not cottoning on to social cues, it’s your neurotypical Aunt Alma currently missing multiple hints that her presence...
Non-autistics celebrate most wonderful time of year with worst pudding imaginable
Neurotypicals have once more opted to celebrate a cherished day in the winter calendar with a dessert option unanimously thought to be revolting, it has been announced. For reasons nobody can make sense of, a disgusting dense sphere made of dried fruit and candied peel...
