She comes apart! This autistic woman’s joints pop out like Betty Spaghetty
An autistic woman with hypermobile joints functions just like a living, breathing Betty Spaghetty doll, it has been reported. Natasha Weaving, 32, boasts the unique ability to partially dislocate her arms, legs, elbow and shoulder at any time of the day, with painful yet ultimately...
Comforting! Autistic woman’s safe food slowly killing her
An autistic woman’s supposed “safe food” is gradually leading to her demise, according to reports. Paige Thomas, 28, constantly falls asleep at her desk, develops a new illness every other week and is deficient in vitamins from A all the way down to Z –...
I hate small talk, says autistic woman who loves chatting shit
An autistic woman who despises ordinary workplace conversations will make a rare exception for the sake of decent gossip, it has been rumoured. Despite loathing typical office chit-chat, Ffiona Maw, 32, will cheerfully listen to you slag off your mutual nemesis as many times as...
Aw! Relative conflates your autism with you being preschooler
A relative has mistaken your recent adult autism diagnosis for you still being at nursery school, according to reports. Despite you having completed a PhD in Environmental Policy, winning a prestigious award for global activism and having completed the first draft of your autism memoir,...
Mystery! Autistic woman asks Reddit “what does ‘I fancy you’ mean?”
An autistic woman has been described as “mystified” and “perplexed” after another woman told her she’s sexually attracted to her, sources have indicated. Emma Bernard, 29, from Acton Bridge, is reportedly baffled by the puzzling statement after Natasha Weaving, 32, uttered the phrase in a bar...
Horse that appears in all the idioms just as confused as you are
Headline by Sara Gibbs A horse referred to in multiple idiomatic expressions doesn’t know why he’s been dragged into yet another conversation, it has been rumoured. Bramble, 18, a Dartmoor Pony, claims his ears are “constantly pricking” due to being persistently mentioned in various increasingly...
Workplace sensory room perfect for wank
An autistic woman has found a sensory room at work ideal for mid-shift masturbation sessions, it has been reported. Emma Bernard, 31, from Bury, has been popping to the designated space for a bit of relief when it “all gets too much”. “This is Emma’s...
Vaccines cause autism? Autistic woman longs to jab neurotypical colleague
Despite scientific research having conclusively debunked the claim, an autistic woman is still hoping vaccines do, in fact, cause autism, it has been rumoured. Emma Bernard, 27, from Ancoats, has reportedly been seeking out a prime opportunity to inoculate allistic colleague Deborah Whitehead, 44, during...
What now? Woman completes level three of autism
An autistic woman who completed level three of autism has been left wondering what the hell comes next, sources have claimed. According to eyewitnesses, Miya Wilkes, 33, from West Ecclesfield, is “miserably twiddling her thumbs” after finishing what is supposed to be autism’s final chapter,...
Oh no! Autistic woman pronounced word out loud for the first time
An autistic woman is reportedly in despair after failing to pronounce a word correctly when saying it aloud for the first time – despite having read it over and over in various books multiples times, a LOT. Miya Wilkes, 29, from Tuebook, only realised “polemic”...
