Workplace sensory room perfect for wank
An autistic woman has found a sensory room at work ideal for mid-shift masturbation sessions, it has been reported. Emma Bernard, 31, from Bury, has been popping to the designated space for a bit of relief when it “all gets too much”. “This is Emma’s...
Vaccines cause autism? Autistic woman longs to jab neurotypical colleague
Despite scientific research having conclusively debunked the claim, an autistic woman is still hoping vaccines do, in fact, cause autism, it has been rumoured. Emma Bernard, 27, from Ancoats, has reportedly been seeking out a prime opportunity to inoculate allistic colleague Deborah Whitehead, 44, during...
What now? Woman completes level three of autism
An autistic woman who completed level three of autism has been left wondering what the hell comes next, sources have claimed. According to eyewitnesses, Miya Wilkes, 33, from West Ecclesfield, is “miserably twiddling her thumbs” after finishing what is supposed to be autism’s final chapter,...
Oh no! Autistic woman pronounced word out loud for the first time
An autistic woman is reportedly in despair after failing to pronounce a word correctly when saying it aloud for the first time – despite having read it over and over in various books multiples times, a LOT. Miya Wilkes, 29, from Tuebook, only realised “polemic”...
“I’d be up for that” says autistic person who will absolutely cancel
An autistic person has cheerfully responded to plans in a WhatsApp group chat knowing full well they intend to back out later, according to reports. Jay Chester, 28, from Ellesmere Port, reportedly sent non-committal messages to the group such as “that sounds great” and “oh,...
It wasn’t meant to be, says autistic woman after 978th failed job interview
An autistic woman emerging from yet another catastrophic job interview has reportedly consoled herself by saying it just wasn’t meant to be – the world of employment, that is. Emma Bernard, 34, from Widnes, came to the realisation after being rejected from yet another admin...
You don’t look autistic! Woman looking increasingly pissed off now
An autistic woman who was told that she “doesn’t look autistic” by a man she met eight minutes ago is looking more and more furious by the minute, it has been rumoured. Emma Bernard, 27, who endured the exchange whilst sat in an Avanti...
Lifesaver! Woman donates autism to seriously neurotypical mother
A woman has reportedly given her seriously neurotypical mother the ultimate gift – the gift of autism. According to sources, Natasha Weaving, 33, from Stafford, couldn’t bear to see her mother Olivia Buckingham, 63, struggling with her neurotypical brain and so generously shared her own...
Autistic women “chameleon-like” due to their long sticky tongues, say experts
Autistic women are indeed like “chameleons” but for rather different reasons than initially thought, experts have discovered. The average autistic woman is believed to have a tongue length of at least 10 to 12 feet, roughly twice the length of their body, and is thought...
Red-handed! Autistic woman caught on Ring doorbell rehearsing conversation
An autistic woman has been captured on her doorbell camera rehearsing social interactions, eyewitnesses have reported. Emma Wilkes, 29, from Warrington – who installed the camera after a security scare – noticed last week that she’d been practising mini conversations with herself before entering her...
