An autistic woman has no desire to watch 2004’s Alien vs. Predator, as she has already lived the entire saga in her own romantic life, it has been confirmed.
Krista Shure, 32, has no idea what the actual film is about, but does know what her Tinder profile is about and it’s the same fucking story.
Shure explained: “From what I understand, Alien vs. Predator is about a woman named Krista who finds the world strange and confusing, and the many horrible men who lovebomb her into oblivion then try to get access to her bank details so they can start their own personal training business.”
“Krista and her band of alien friends – all with strange colourful hair and a lot of opinions – have to figure out how to defeat the predators before they can take her to a gin tasting or an escape room.”
“Once we work out how to stop them moving in after three months, the saga is over,” Shure added. “Although don’t worry, I’ve been at this for years – there’s plenty of scope for prequels.”
Shure could not be reached for further comment, as she was begrudgingly watching Alien vs. Predator in the hopes of gleaning some dating tips.
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