Headline by John Butler, piece by John Butler with Sara Gibbs

An autistic man was left reeling this Halloween after being forced to confront numerous anatomical inaccuracies in an alleged “skeleton”, eyewitnesses have said.

Armchair archeologist, Ryan Wilkins, 45, reportedly alarmed colleagues with his “frankly insane” reaction to the novelty decoration, one week, that had been placed on his chair in a seemingly low-stakes but ultimately misjudged prank.  

Witness Becky Armitage, 34, said: “The guys thought it would be funny to pose the artificial human armature at Ryan’s computer. I think they just expected a bit of a yelp in response, after all he’s been known to be jumpscared by his own thoughts. I don’t think anyone expected it to catalyse him into a weepy lament about man’s inhumanity to man.”

Wilkins commented: “It’s got no collar bones, no shoulder blades – where is the deltoid supposed to attach? How on earth was the poor thing supposed to raise its arms? And oh God: look at the sternum! There’s no costal cartilage, the ribs and sternum are just one big mass of solid inflexible bone, there’s no way for the rib cage to expand! No wonder it’s fucking dead! It can’t breathe! Poor thing never stood a chance.”

Colleagues reported him then bursting into uncontrollable tears, clutching the skeleton and shouting: “WHAT MONSTER DID THIS TO YOU”. 

Wilkins was last seen solemnly carrying away the mutated limp plastic bony remains like Frankenstein’s monster, and laying them gently to rest on the ground.

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