An autistic man who attempted to try something new has become instantly furious at his apparent lack of professional-level skills in the new activity, it has been reported.

Lloyd Didcot, 36, decided on a whim to learn coin magic from a book, using the justification of “Well, it’s in a book, and that’s just following instructions, so how hard can it be?”, inadvertently forgetting the years and years of practice required to master the subtle movements and apparent effortless ease needed to do anything more complicated with a coin than baffle a nephew.

As a result, when Didcot opened the book and immediately failed to make a 50p piece vanish like a magician of 30 years’ experience, he became filled with rage and self-disgust to the point of nausea.

Didcot said: “All the instructions are there! Why can’t my hands just DO it??”, apparently not having learned the lesson of page one, which remarked on the importance of patience and practice when it comes to extremely skilled misdirection. “I’m USELESS!” Didcot added, to no-one in particular.

Didcot’s wife, Simran Khalsa, 38 with a second dan black belt in karate, commented: “This happens now and again. Lloyd will get a bee in his bonnet about trying to learn a new skill, but apparently can never remember the importance of the ‘learning’ part. I tried to share some of the things I had learned at karate – about how adopting the ‘beginner’s mindset’ and accepting that there are things you don’t know is so important and freeing, but he just mumbled something about ‘If I’m not good at something then what am I even FOR?’ before going upstairs to beg his hands to ‘just do as you’re TOLD’.”

At the time of publication, Didcot had set aside the coin magic, and resumed trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube from first principles, which largely involved him sobbing while gnawing at the corners like it was a bad, square apple.

Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky, Threads and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon. We also now have merch! Check out your favourite headlines in comfy wearable form over on Teemill.

Our audio sitcom by and for autistic people, It’s a Superpower?? is out weekly wherever you get podcasts! Binge the whole season early and ad-free on Patreon.

You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy, or listen to episode three in audio form – and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.

We also now have merch! Check out your favourite headlines in comfy wearable form over on Teemill.