An autistic woman’s complicated and nuanced internal monologue listing the litany of challenges and obstacles that beleaguer her on a daily basis is only ever shared with the world as a vague variant of “Oh it’s just so HARD”, sources have reported.

Audio engineer Emma Bernard, 55, sees her mind as a sort of multi-track recording programme, with each of the many tracks representing an unbroken stream-of-consciousness tirade about a specific irritation in her life. Unfortunately for Bernard, any attempt at articulating this to another person comes across as a real-life version of a character from Peanuts throwing their head back, opening their mouths to the full width of their head, and emitting jagged black lines of frustration into the air.

Bernard said: “It’s so frustrating. All the elements are there, and they’re all in order, but when I try and get them out it’s like trying to get a crowd of enthusiastic sumo wrestlers all out of the same caravan door at the same time. Everything just blocks up, and the best I can manage is a sort of agonised ‘Everything is just so EVERYTHING’, and a small whimper.”

Bernard’s colleague, Ryan Wilkins, seemed unaware of his co-worker’s internal plight. He added: “Emma’s so funny. Whenever I ask her how she’s doing, she grits her teeth, opens her eyes wide, and nods with an ‘uh huh’ noise. She really cracks me up!”

At the time of publication, Bernard had started attempting to articulate her feelings through art, and managed to get as far as several messy, overlapping black circles with the words “BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS” scrawled across the page in lipstick.

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