An autistic woman has demolished her home and squandered her livelihood in pursuit of the source of a mysterious high-pitched buzzing noise, it has been revealed.
Niamh Callaghan, 43, first noticed the buzzing on Wednesday afternoon at 5.08pm. She immediately set to work unplugging all electrical devices, evicting any houseflies, shutting off the water supply, and issuing death threats to her neighbours. However, the noise persisted, only with an additional frisson of mockery.
“That was when I went full Basil Fawlty,” Callaghan confessed. “I started thwacking the walls with my partner’s cricket bat and called the hamster a cunt. Thankfully, she has accepted my apology. The hamster, that is.”
“I’m not sure if the noise has stopped or if I damaged my hearing when I reduced the flat to a smouldering heap of rubble. Either way, job done, I guess?”
Callaghan’s future plans include the launch of a new business venture, Autistic Meltdown Demolitions Ltd.
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