An autistic woman is preparing herself for upwards of an hour and a half of awkward, unbroken eye contact with her own reflection in order to avoid the even more awkward hour and a half of small talk with her hairdresser, sources have revealed.
Due to the unbearable discomfort of the whole affair, Pippa Durham, 38, is an infrequent visitor to the salon, choosing to book an appointment only when her hair eventually and inevitably transitions from “charmingly unruly” to “technically meets the definition of ‘a hedge’”.
Durham said: “I always put it off until the last minute. I just know that I’ll be stuck there for ages, with my only options being silently glowering at every square inch of my face or somehow mustering up the energy to talk excitedly about a holiday I totally made up. I hear Macksylvania is lovely this time of year.”
“My therapist always says ‘when in doubt, do nothing’ – advice I took so literally my hairdresser thought I had fallen into a really angry coma.”
Durham was last seen standing outside the salon, torturing herself by silently replaying the time the hairdresser asked what she wanted, and she immediately replied “I don’t know! You’re the expert! Hair’s your job not mine!” and, sadly, the ground did not swallow her up.
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