An autistic woman in an Entirely Fine period of her life is reportedly about to be hit with a profound wave of melancholy, just because.

Noriko Hamazaki, 38, bounced out of bed after a restful sleep, threw on her comfortable dungarees and cycled to her local farmer’s market to treat herself to some sunflowers, but her idyllic day took a turn for the morose when a sudden heaviness fell over her without warning.

Hamazaki said: “This is not what Corinne Bailey Rae promised me in Girl Put Your Records On. I had set my entire day up for lightness and whimsy, and now I feel like Atlas has forced me to cover his shift and dumped the entire world onto my shoulders.”

“I don’t know why, but I feel like I’m going to cry. But one of those really ugly cries, like when Anne Hathaway did Les Mis.”

Hamazaki was last seen wheeling her bike home in a near-perfect imitation of Charlie Brown’s sad walk.

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