An AuDHD man has been left “appalled” by people trying to speak to him before he becomes fully functional sometime in the early evening, reports have claimed.

Naveed Azkhat, 42, suffered the grave offence after emerging into his living room, where his family were lying in wait with vicious barbs like “Good morning!” and “I love you”. 

Hiding in the downstairs loo, Azkhat said: “These… vultures attack me when I’m most vulnerable. I can’t be expected to comment on my son’s crayon rendering of us as astronauts with anything other than ‘Yeah! That’s a drawing!” until after dinner, when I’ll be able to offer him a full and focused critique of his masterful use of light and shade.”

“And then my wife Ima hugged me and said something like, ‘I’m the luckiest woman in the world’, which meant that I not only had to process an emotion, but also offer something of equal romantic value in return. Luckily I spied my DVD copy of Brokeback Mountain over her shoulder and was able to mumble, ‘I wish I knew how to quit you’ before she took my silence as an admission of guilt.”

Ima Azkhat, 44, said: “I asked Naveed if he minded giving me a lift to the station and he cheerfully picked up his car keys, thought for a full two minutes, and said, ‘Get to da choppa!’”

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