An autistic billionaire’s neurotype is not the reason he’s an absolute piece of shit, it has been revealed.
Robert Noot, 54, frequently uses his autism as a get-out-of-jail-free card to excuse all of the terrible things he says and does, in spite of the actual get-out-of-jail-free card he enjoys thanks to the consequence-free lifestyle afforded by having “most of the world’s money somehow”.
Graeme Hart, 20, a longtime fan of Noot who spends almost all his waking life posting on the social media site owned by Noot, commented: “People need to leave Rob alone, yeah? Sure, he gets a little overexcited sometimes, and that can often be expressed as inappropriate behaviour, like the occasional call for ‘racial purity’, but he’s autistic, you know? He can’t help himself!”
Others, however, are less forgiving. Waitress Miya Wilkes, 35, said: “What gets me is I’m autistic, and yet I’ve never once developed a chatbot that calls itself Cyber Mussolini, or implied that a search and rescue professional is a sexmenace. It just feels quite easy not to do that? I mainly just get a bit too excited about lockpicking instead.”
Professor Natasha Weaving, a clinical psychologist at The Institute For Studying People That Really Like Trains, explained: “Through rigorous study we have worked out what makes this person uniquely unlikeable, and it’s definitely not the autism. It turns out that anyone who can accrue this sort of wealth is bound to be an absolute bastard. We recommend that ABA rebrands to the Anti Billionaires Association, and maybe spend their time giving these pricks electric shocks instead.”
Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky, Threads and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon. We also now have merch! Check out your favourite headlines in comfy wearable form over on Teemill.
You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy, or listen to episode three in audio form – and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.
