An autistic woman has announced that a “permanent sense of self” is the most fantastical and intriguing mythical creature she’s ever heard of.

After hearing about it in conversation, Megan Aldrich, 30, has declared the beast “significantly less believable, but even more fuckable, than a vampire”. 

Aldrich commented: “According to my pal Noriko, a ‘permanent sense of self’ can recall a really clear timeline of events from its own life? Not higgledy-piggledy snapshots across decades, or mixing up dreams with reality, but a consistent personal narrative. Yeah, sirens can lure sailors to their deaths just by singing, but imagine being able to remember what happened a week ago!”

“Okay, it can’t turn into a wolf which then turns others into wolves,” Aldrich continued. “But it knows exactly what it’s doing. You’d never catch it forgetting it’s agoraphobic and buying itself hiking shoes, or giving calligraphy a go despite its dyspraxia, or going ‘yeah maybe I do like yodelling?’ I wasted £65 on that course.”

Concerned friend Noriko Hamazaki, 28, clarified: “I keep telling you, Megan, most people can remember their own likes and dislikes. They don’t get to the end of each day and fling their personality aside like a tight bra.”

Aldrich added: “Imagine having a joined-up identity! I cobbled mine together from Buzzfeed quiz results. Oooh, ‘which mythical creature are you?’ I hope I get ‘a childhood free from trauma’.”

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