An exclusive investigation by The Daily Tism has confirmed that people stare at you in public because they hate you for specific and entirely valid reasons.
Our reporters took to the streets to ask strangers why they seem to gawp at you whenever you leave the house – and found that it’s because you’re fundamentally bad at being a person and it’s abundantly and offensively obvious to everyone around you.
When asked why they had chosen to stare at you specifically, they said it was because there was food all around your mouth, and you were doing that weird screwy thing you do with your face whenever you’re having an imaginary argument, and there’s also a big rip at the front of your trousers just over the crotch and you’re actually doing full frontal nudity right now, you absolute degenerate.
It was also discovered that strangers can tell what a bad person you are just by looking at you, and one glance is all they need to mentally watch the montage of your failures that you replay in your head every night before you go to sleep.
When approached for further comment, the strangers said: “Fuck you, forever.”
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