An autistic woman who has adored her partner for the best part of the last decade is tragically unable to convey her affection through the medium of gifts, sources have reported.
Miya Wilkes, 31, can still recite the 15-digit code on the library card that she used when she was a teenager, but when it comes to her partner she cannot seem to remember a single fucking thing.
“First off, I want to emphasise how much I love Cam,” said Wilkes. “It’s just that when I try to think of what gift he might like, you’re basically asking me to imagine his thoughts and feelings. My mind goes blank, I get this terrible whirring noise in my ears, and I have to have a little cry in the corner.”
Wilkes reports that the gap between the types of gifts they give each other is getting embarrassing. “Last year he sponsored a chinstrap penguin which had the same name as my beloved childhood pet cat. I got him a whisk.”
“But in my defence, look how easy I am to buy for!” Wilkes said, gesturing at an extensive array of penguin figurines. “No guessing required: just get me a little rockhopper and I’m happy. I was hoping he might have something similar, but the nearest thing that he’s got to a collection is two dozen pairs of black socks. Maybe he collects socks? Do you think Cam would like more socks?”
Her partner Cameron Brereton, 30, who unfortunately does have a complex inner world of his own, was sympathetic. “Miya’s got no imagination. I once asked her what she’d like for dinner and she panicked and said, ‘The remote control?’ I don’t think she can picture things unless she’s looking at them.”
Wilkes could not be reached for further comment, as she was busy trying to gift-wrap a ladle.
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