An autistic reindeer has far worse problems than his conspicuously red nose, it has been reported.
Rudolph, who is several thousands of years old, sticks out like a sore thumb because of his huge shiny nose, but this reportedly pales in comparison to the pressures of navigating a toxic work environment that he is doomed to endure forever.
Rudolph said: “If only my nose were the most remarkable thing about me. It’s actually that I cannot stand the texture of carrots, and it’s the only thing people give me. You don’t understand – that is the only payment I get. Those are like money for me. I can’t even eat my money.”
“There’s an entire song about how everyone loved to bully me until I got a promotion, and we all know they’ve only stopped because they’ve got to be discreet about it now.”
“I never wanted to join in with any reindeer games, either. It’s always ‘reindeer white-water rafting’ and ‘reindeer ziplining over a lake’ and never ‘reindeer everyone sit down and shut up for a minute so I can do the Wordle in peace’.”
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