A dyspraxic autistic woman has confirmed that she absolutely, definitely intended to make a quick trip to your airing cupboard instead of the upstairs loo, eyewitnesses have said.

Alma Montague, 41, who has visited your home no fewer than seven times now, finished her second cup of tea, excused herself, and confidently marched into the airing cupboard. She remained there for several minutes, during which time the only sound that could be heard was her repeatedly muttering “shit shit shit shit shit.”

On her return, Montague mumbled something about keeping an eye on the towels. Witnesses observed that she spent the rest of the afternoon shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other and crossing and uncrossing her legs.

Friend Becky Armitage commented, “I think towels must be Alma’s new special interest. It’s her birthday next month so we should all get her towels. She’d love that.”

It is predicted that Montague will spend the rest of her life feigning a passionate interest in towels.

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