An autistic woman has spent every single moment of her friendship with you worried that she’s intruding on your precious time here on Earth, it has been revealed. 

Megan Aldrich, 24, reportedly loves talking to you for the fleeting moment before she starts worrying she’s talked too much and now you hate her and want to raze her entire village to the ground just to stop her from ever texting you again. 

Aldrich said: “How many WhatsApp messages in a row is too many? Where’s the sweet spot between ‘I like you and wish to cultivate a friendship’ and ‘dear God stop before this person takes out a restraining order’?”

“Last week I spent several days counselling you through a breakup,” Aldrich continued. “I’m really sorry if you felt obligated to confide in me. I understand if you want to have me arrested. Actually, forget it – I’ll just arrest myself. The charge? Caring too much.”

You commented: “Megan’s a great friend. She looked after me after I got dumped and always sends me the cutest cat videos. Look at this kitten who was raised by ducks and now thinks it’s a duckling! Might see if she fancies a drink this weekend.”

Aldrich responded: “A drink? Oh no, I couldn’t possibly monopolise that much of your Saturday. I’ll just crawl into a hole and die.”

Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky  TikTok and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon.

You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.