Your kitchen cooker has been fitted with a small demon who is responsible for taking the smoky air out of the room and replacing it with the worst sound imaginable, sources have revealed.
While feasting on smoke and cooking smells, the horrid little gremlin pares its toenails with its teeth and borrows your coffee grinder to blitz the parings to smithereens. Sometimes a faint cackle of satisfaction can also be heard, as the creature watches you becoming increasingly frantic because the din just won’t stop.
Mac Wheatley, 55, CEO of leading white goods manufacturer Bad Noise Industries, said: “We know that cooking can be a challenge for people with autism, so we thought we’d help by providing a relentless cacophony of distressing sounds to accompany the experience. We’re caring like that.”
“In a similar vein, to help people with autism wash their clothes, we’ve adapted the washing machine so that throughout the spin cycle it plays the screams of the damned.”
When asked if there was any possibility that he could be Satan in disguise, Wheatley suddenly remembered an urgent appointment and had to leave.
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