An autistic woman has surrendered use of her kitchen after finding a spider on the linoleum floor, sources have revealed.
Beth Hapworth, 32, reports that she was too frightened to move the spider elsewhere, but too empathetic to harm it.
“It would be a senseless act of cruelty to kill the poor spider just because of my irrational fear,” Hapworth explained. “But obviously I’m not going anywhere near the horrible fucking thing.”
“I did trap it under a pudding bowl,” she continued. “I couldn’t handle getting too close so I just stood in the doorway and tossed the bowl like a frisbee. Then I put a stack of cookbooks on top of the bowl, and a chair on top of the cookbooks, just in case.”
“But immediately I started worrying about the spider. Did it have enough air in there? Was it afraid of the dark?”
“I set up a system to release the spider from afar, through a series of devices where each triggers the start of the next,” Hapworth added. “Like the game Mousetrap, but in reverse. I shut the kitchen door and now the spider just has the kitchen to itself. I’ll have to manage without my fridge or my cooker, or cutlery or plates or any of my food, but I still have the rest of the flat so I suppose it’s not so bad?”
The spider, who goes by the name Legs McGinty, responded: “I’m your landlord now, bitch.”
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