An autistic man wishes to make it very clear to you that he is very, very, sorry that he’s a man, and for men in general, according to a statement released today.

The statement, issued by Robert Noot, 46, after his friend Paige Thomas, 39, made a joking remark that something he said sounded like a “typical bloody man,” is roughly 30,000 words long – but we have been able to print extracts. 

“I just… I know it’s so hard for women – and for other marginalised genders, God, I’m sorry, is there a reasonable term that covers all of them, because ‘not-men’ sounds like I’m making men the default and defining everyone else by their lack of maleness…”

Noot continued, several pages on: But the point is, I really wish there was a way to disentangle myself from the advantages that the patriarchy gives me, and to get rid of that privilege, I really don’t want it, but I’m stuck with it and oh God that makes me sound like I’m centring myself and my own feelings in this, doesn’t it?”

“And of course my friend Emma jokes with me that I could do what she did and become a woman, but I’m not trans – and God, sorry, I’m not saying ‘I’m not trans’ as an attempt to distance myself from Queerness, I just happen not to be trans…”

After reading the statement, Thomas joked: “Are you finished mansplaining sexism to me? That’ll teach me to joke with you.”

Noot was last seen penning a 50,000-word follow-up apologising for the length of his previous statement, which was, according to page 47: “Just typical fucking white man behaviour of me”.

Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky  TikTok and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon. 

You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.