An autistic person who tries to please other people has somehow managed to achieve the exact opposite result, sources have confirmed. 

Jay Chester, 28, who strives to ensure that everyone is always happy with them at all times, reportedly failed to factor in that people have conflicting needs and desires.

Chester commented: “I don’t understand. When people told me ‘you can’t please everyone’, I thought that was quitter talk. When I finally accepted it, I thought I could at least please most people – but to actively infuriate everyone I know? How did that happen?”

Chester’s ex, Krista Shure, 29, said: “It might have something to do with Jay neglecting to triage the people they please. For example, taking their ex out to see Chappell Roan on MY birthday because they ‘bought the tickets before we broke up’.”

“MY Chappell. Next time just stab me in the heart, it’d be quicker.”

Chester was last seen in the DIY aisle at B&Q trying to saw themselves in half so they could be at their niece’s Christening and their neighbour’s barbecue at the same time. 


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