An opinion columnist, heiress and occasional lifestyle podcaster born into a life so luxurious, idle and easy mode that she may as well live in a castle made of cushions and truffles, has expressed dismay at the idea some AuDHD children she will never meet might be getting a bit of extra support at school.

Toffee NatWest-LeCruesset, 53, who insists that her expensive private school didn’t do her any favours as she left with only three O Levels due to a debilitating skiing addiction, worked hard for six months at her grandfather’s factory, choosing what colour the office doors should be painted, before inheriting her uncle’s restaurant critic column in the Sunday papers.

“Now that’s the sort of pluck these so-called Neurodivergent State School Children should be aspiring to,” said NatWest-LeCruesset on her cousin’s radio show. “Instead of lazily demanding an extra half hour of exam time so they can ‘finish their answers’.”

NatWest-LeCruesset went on to insist on her well-funded podcast Heirs & Graces that she has known true hardship, as she was recently forced for a six-figure fee to do a three-legged race across the Pennines strapped to a former member of Atomic Kitten, for a Channel 5 show.

“Honestly, some of the hotels they put us up in for that were only four star,” she told her fellow podcast host and Godmother, Baroness Rolex-Aga. “The TV in one ensuite just had Freeview. Did my GP give me medication to help me cope with that? Probably not, but you’d have to check with my PA.”

NatWest-LeCruesset, who has never been on an NHS waiting list, did make it clear that she once had to queue at a petrol pump to fill up her Landy when her PA was off sick, and declared “I imagine it’s a lot like that,” adding that actually, her ordeal was likely worse as the pump had confused her into putting in the wrong kind of fuel and destroying the whole engine and “they don’t do that to layabout children in the woke NHS, probably.”

“But the worst outrage of all,” she added in her podcast, national newspaper column, social media posts and heavily marketed memoir, “is that sensible concerns like mine are being completely silenced.”

No neurodivergent teenagers were approached for comment but ew, imagine what they’d say if they were.

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