A terrifying pasty-skinned wreck spotted shuffling towards the bus stop has turned out to be an autistic person with Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder, authorities have claimed.
Kit McGodden, 37, from Harpurhey, was misidentified as being one of the living dead after they were seen staggering down the street at seven in the morning, looking like they’d just dug themselves out of the ground.
Bystanders were further alarmed when, on boarding the 118 to Crumpsall, McGodden indicated their intended destination by emitting a guttural noise, said to sound “exactly like a death rattle”.
Fellow passenger, Noah Michaels, 64, said: “First we tried to flee the creature, but they stood in the doorway and we couldn’t get around them. Then I tried setting them on fire, but my lighter wouldn’t work. Eventually, we tried to reason with them and found out they’re a consultant neurologist at North Manchester General Hospital on their way to work after a third sleepless night of wishing for the sweet release of death.”
McGodden said: “I wouldn’t have minded the whole vengeful mob thing, but it turns out it’s my bloody day off” before heading back to bed.
Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky, Threads and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon. We also now have merch! Check out your favourite headlines in comfy wearable form over on Teemill.
You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy, or listen to episode three in audio form – and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.
