An autistic child is suspicious after the introduction of yet another reward-and-punishment system based on his compliance, sources have reported.

In a statement received by his parents, Kit McGodden, four, says that he is going to need a little more evidence before he signs up for this “be good for Santa” agreement. 

McGodden wrote: “I was recently told of a powerful being who will judge my behaviours and then provide or withhold gifts accordingly. I have a number of follow-up questions.”

“Firstly, is this just Applied Behaviour Analysis?” McGodden asked. “Because I’m not falling for that crap again. If you want me to change my behaviour, I’m going to need to see your ethical guidelines and a thorough peer review.”

“And secondly, how does the scoring work?” McGodden continued. “I want an itemised list of the exact number of points you get for every action, because I’ve been burned by that before: my ABA teacher kept rewarding me for being quiet, but then got very cross when I didn’t warn her about that reversing car.”

To answer some of McGodden’s questions, Father Christmas joined us on a video call from the North Pole. “I can’t believe nobody’s ever asked for a guide before! I’m just printing out the comprehensive, 350,000-page instructions on exactly how to be a good human being and will deliver it to Kit as soon as the elves have magicked up some more printer cartridges.”

We passed this good news to McGodden, who was still skeptical. “And you’re absolutely sure this whole thing is legit? Some people say that Santa is really just your Dad, which would be fine, but I’m worried that he’s Simon Baron-Cohen.”

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