A couple who are afraid vaccines will give their children autism, causing them to have a harder time in life, has also given them both really fucking silly names, it has been confirmed.
Karen and Graeme Hoyland, both 43, who are terrified their children will catch autism from a vaccine and become social pariahs, also gave them names that would guarantee 12 years of wedgies – at least.
Karen Hoyland said: “People say that vaccines don’t cause autism, but you can never be too careful. I’d hate for anything to happen to make Meadow and Sunbeam targets.”
Asked about their choice of names, Graeme Hoyland explained: “We wanted them to have unique names and be free thinkers – we couldn’t risk them getting autism and becoming robots.”
“No, we haven’t done any reading on autism or vaccines,” admitted Karen Hoyland. “But my Facebook friend Becky’s nephew has autism, so I’ve done my research.”
Like what you’ve read so far? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, X, Bluesky TikTok and Facebook and subscribing to our Patreon for exclusive content that’ll have your neurotypical family saying “I’m not sure I’m the target audience”.
