Despite scientific research having conclusively debunked the claim, an autistic woman is still hoping vaccines do, in fact, cause autism, it has been rumoured.
Emma Bernard, 27, from Ancoats, has reportedly been seeking out a prime opportunity to inoculate allistic colleague Deborah Whitehead, 44, during their mid-morning coffee break.
Bernard said: “I’m praying vaccines do cause autism, because Deborah could really do with a dose.”
“She keeps needlessly commenting on the weather, starting superficial conversations about absolutely nothing and chattering on about how many calories are in a Cadbury’s Mini Roll – but if I chase her round the office with a needle shouting ‘I’m trying to HELP you,’ then I’M the aggressive one?”
“Yes, autism tends to run in families,” Bernard continued. “But I’m holding out hope that heavy metals in vaccines are real and will both make her autistic and improve her banal taste in music.”
“She keeps saying we’re all a bit autistic. If only that were true. Maybe a little bit of autism would stop her from being a total pain in the arse.”
Whitehead commented: “Has anybody got any nice weekend plans?”
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