The feeling you happen to have in this precise moment is a permanent state of affairs, a new study has revealed.
According to a new clinical trial, emotions and physical sensations are static and immovable phenomena that will never be any different, whether they’re positive, negative or just plain horny.
Lead academic Dr. Tricia Squire explained: “If we know one thing about life, it’s that nothing changes. That’s why they say ‘this too shall not pass.’”
“For example, the sun is currently shining and will never set. It’s the height of summer and no other seasons exist. And your seething rage at your boyfriend slurping his tea is emblematic of your entire relationship and you should immediately dump him.”
“But it’s not all bad news,” Dr. Squire continued. “Some of you have been blessed with positive permanent states – like a never-ending orgasm, or if you currently happen to be eating pizza.”
Test subject Beth Hapworth, 32, said: “The results of this study have made me feel really anxious. Ah fuck.”
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