An “overly pampered” autistic child would prefer to not feel like everything is perpetually flashing, screeching and smacking her directly in the brain, sources have confirmed.
Six-year-old Mary Walker, who flies into inexplicable rages when everything in her immediate environment goes bleepy bloopy bleep blorp, has reportedly been called “a spoiled brat” by helpful well-wishers.
Family friend Karen Hoyland, 40, commented: “Mary seems fine apart from when there’s something she irrationally doesn’t want to do – like eating my delicious lentil stew, which she claims ‘tastes like bullying’.”
“Her parents say it’s the autism,” Hoyland continued. “But her tantrums conveniently tend to simmer down once we’ve covered up all the persistently blinking lights, given her beans on toast and stopped trying to have multiple simultaneous conversations over the sound of the dishwasher, the air filter and The Great British Bake Off.”
“She’s so shifty about it,” Hoyland added. “I’ll believe her that ‘everything around her hurts’ the day she tells me while looking me in the eye.”
Walker commented: “How do I turn Karen off?”
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