Having even the tiniest taste of positive self-regard is a gateway drug to monstrous narcissism, an autistic woman’s subconscious has claimed.
Lottie Fitzgerald, 28, is doing all the requisite therapeutic work to build her confidence, but is constantly undermined by a horrid cackling morality-OCD gremlin lurking in the shadows of her grubby little soul.
Fitzgerald’s Subconscious, 28, explained: “There’s no ‘healthy amount’ of self-esteem. You’ll have a little, then you’ll get hooked. Next thing you know you’ll be like that disgraced children’s author you can’t even mildly criticise by name without risking getting sued.”
“Sure, you could acknowledge your good qualities,” the gleeful misery goblin continued. “But then you risk becoming complacent about them. Next thing you know? Hitler.”
Fitzgerald commented: “What if I let myself feel good about making ethical choices and doing my best to be a decent human being every day? That way I still hold myself accountable while positively reinforcing myself. Right?”
Fitzgerald’s subconscious did not respond, as Fitzgerald had finally shut the little bastard up.
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