A recent public health report has revealed that autism is more common than previously thought, confirming that autistic people are really good at sex.
The government-commissioned report found a staggering 120% year-on-year increase in new autism diagnoses, suggesting that the neurotype is extremely common. As autism is genetically inherited, this would indicate that autistic people are prolific lovers.
Analyst Naveed Azkhat, who helped to compile the data, said: “The latest statistics turn our concept of autism on its head. Gone are the days where an autistic person would be thought of as an unlovable weirdo – this data encourages us to think of them as more of a sort of Austin Powers figure.
“It could be because autistic people tend to have big, beautiful eyes, an air of mystique and a fathomless, unknowable heart… Oh. Oh, God. Er, excuse me for a minute.”
Azkhat then gave a choked sort of groan before swiftly ending our phone call.
The government has since urged autistic people to consider having less sex to reduce the risk of a neurotypical mass extinction event.
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