The world’s most regular period has maliciously snuck up on an autistic woman with absolutely no warning for the 167th month in a row, sources have claimed.
Sabeen Bhatt, 26, has been feeling bloated, cranky and inexplicably miserable over the course of the last week, just like she is every 28 days. After a drawn-out investigation, she was incensed to discover the explanation: the exact same thing it bloody always is.
“Urghhhhhhhh!” Bhatt explained.
“First I thought it was depression,” she said, indicating her investigative wall chart covered in photographs, Post-its and elaborately arranged red string. “Then I couldn’t figure out why my wife was being a total prick for no reason, and why she was looking so sexy,” scowled Bhatt, unwrapping a Twix. “I realised I couldn’t kiss her and yell at her to leave the room at the same time, and at that point I started crying.”
Taking a brief respite from comforting her furious, horny wife, Megan Aldrich, 31, commented: “We’ve tried apps, charts, you name it. She just can’t seem to remember this happens to her every single month. Thank God she’s not a werewolf. She’d wake up, discover she’d eaten the entire village, and be like, ‘Oh, that’s why I was feeling cranky.'”
Bhatt was last seen anxiously consulting a moon chart and checking her teeth for bits of femur. She whispered: “Is that why it’s called ‘the curse’?”
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