Wow! Autistic couple making ecstatic noises in bedroom must be enjoying bashing train sets together
An autistic couple loudly moaning with pleasure in their bedroom are “having a great time playing with their train sets,” their housemates have said. Paige Thomas, 26 and boyfriend Dexter Livingstone, 28, are frequently overheard from behind their closed door groaning, sighing and shouting “fuck…
Honestly! Autistic woman REALLY glad she went
An autistic woman reluctantly dragged to a bar by a group of friends has insisted she had a really good time, sources have revealed. Emma Bernard, 27, from Netherton, described haunting waves of loneliness washing over her as the night progressed – which she could...
We’re all a bit on the spectrum, says most neurotypical woman to have ever lived
Headline by Andrew Hickey A woman has explained that everyone is “a little bit autistic,” despite being the most aggressively neurotypical person on the planet, sources have revealed. Karen Hoyland, 40, who believes that “we’re all on the spectrum somewhere” also enjoys daily Zumba classes,...
Autistic woman tackles mental health stigma by going on about issues
An autistic woman is bravely tackling mental health stigma by constantly oversharing at work, according to reports. Emma Bernard, 29, from Wallasey, has inspired colleagues by bringing her complex history of mental illnesses to the weekly Zoom team meeting. “It’s time to break the silence,”...
Sweet! Family doesn’t hate you, just your autism
Your family doesn’t hate you – just the neurological blueprint that forms the basis for your entire personality, it has been confirmed. A spokesperson for your family said: “We accept you just as you are, but we also wish that you were different in every...
Inspiring! This autistic woman says fuck the planet
An autistic woman is challenging autism stereotypes by refusing to give a shit about the environment, according to reports. Ellie Mulligan, 24, from Chorlton, stated she grew weary of hearing “What, like Greta?” every time she revealed her diagnosis to friends and family. Since then,...
Upsetting! Autistic man answers honestly when girlfriend asks “what are you thinking?”
An autistic man is baffled over his girlfriend’s inexplicable and abrupt change in mood after he answered honestly when asked what he was thinking, witnesses have claimed. Dexter Livingstone, 30, was in bed with girlfriend, Kelsey Dacey, 26, when she asked “what are you thinking?”...
Phew! Woman with body dysmorphia actually looking at reflection in spoon
An autistic woman who has always hated her body has discovered that while this is mostly due to patriarchal beauty standards, it is also due to her having always used a spoon to view her reflection. Emma Bernard, 35, had suffered from body dysmorphia her...
Autism diagnostic services post women “sorry we missed you” slips
Autism diagnostic teams around the country have begun to post “sorry we missed you” cards through the letterboxes of late-diagnosed autistic women, reports say. According to sources, the card reads: “We’re sorry we couldn’t deliver your autism diagnosis to you in childhood. Unlike Michael, who...
“I’m actually pretty chill” says autistic woman poised like praying mantis
An autistic woman who likes to think of herself as “quite zen” regularly sits like a praying mantis, according to sources. Beth Hapworth, 26, from Crosby, is reportedly incapable of putting her feet on the floor or her arms by her sides at any given...
Autistic woman’s crush demon seeks new host
An autistic woman’s crush demon has forced her to begin horrible dating again, it has been confirmed. Kelsey Dacey, 25, who recently had her heart broken by the last mediocre guy she projected an entire personality onto, is not ready to meet someone new –...
Most dramatic fortnight of autistic woman’s life coincides with therapist’s annual leave
An autistic woman has been left “shocked and upset” that her Extremely Difficult Time has conflicted with her therapist’s yearly holiday to Greece, it has been rumoured. Despite having answered “fine” when she was asked about her how her week had been in her most...
Psychologists to screen autistic patients for comorbid imposter syndrome
Anyone receiving an autism diagnosis will automatically be referred to be assessed for imposter syndrome, it has been confirmed. The move comes following a campaign from autistic activist, Paige Thomas, 34, whose own suspected imposter syndrome is still undiagnosed. She said: “I just felt it...
