Concerns are growing for an autistic woman’s oxygen supplies as she enters a third day of her perpetual apology loop, emergency services have said.  Beth Hapworth, 21, initially apologised to girlfriend Emma Bernard, 23, for Bernard’s period pains. On being told “you don’t need to...

An autistic woman has already contacted her therapist to arrange a session after spending Christmas in her childhood home, reports have indicated. Miya Wilkes, 29, made the decision to return to her hometown of Runcorn during the festive period, in the vague hope that it...

An autistic woman has insisted she has “absolutely fucked it” after making a slight spelling mistake on the first page of her 2025 diary, sources have confirmed. Natasha Weaving, 34, from Rhyl, had just written down a resolution to be more “environmentally friendly” in the...

Allistic people have expressed excitement that humanity will magically reset itself on the first of January, it has been announced.  In a statement released today, neurotypicals conveyed their relief that “this horrible year is nearly over,” asserting the belief that an arbitrary change in year...

An autistic woman has made just one resolution for 2026 – to be as much of a menace as possible, sources have revealed. Ffiona Maw, 36, considered learning Spanish or joining the gym next year, but decided instead to quit suppressing her authentic self in...

Neurotypicals have once more opted to celebrate a cherished day in the winter calendar with a dessert option unanimously thought to be revolting, it has been announced. For reasons nobody can make sense of, a disgusting dense sphere made of dried fruit and candied peel...

Despite their best efforts, an autistic person has concluded they can’t wrap for shit, it has been announced. Freya Emerson, 31, from Atherton, has spent the last five-and-a-half hours despairing on the bedroom carpet while trying to wrap a giant Lindt ball – with minimal...