Better late than never, concludes woman’s autism report
A woman approaching her 98th birthday has received a late late diagnosis of autism, reports have confirmed. Julie Walker, 97, from Goole – who received the full copy of her assessment report last Thursday – initially assumed her letter from the King had arrived early….
Creepy! Woman who thought she was alone was living with autism
A woman who previously believed she was a single occupant has, in fact, been living with autism. “I knew something was up,” claimed Beth Hapworth, 42. “I’d go to the fridge and find the contents organised by colour and shape, or I’d see that the...
Parents of boy in ABA: “We torture him out of love”
The parents of an autistic boy have released a statement explaining that they subject him to a cruel and humiliating therapy designed to make him behave less like himself – because they love him. Graeme Hart, 42, and his wife Karen, 43, issued a joint...
Outrage! Neighbours having unacceptable amount of fun through wall
Autistic people nationwide have expressed outrage as their neighbours are having an aggravating amount of fun on the other side of the wall, a survey has revealed. Respondents conceded that the next-door neighbours, separated from them by just a flimsy wall, are entitled to have...
How to live with a person without autism
Living with a person who’s living without autism can be a unique challenge. It’s not their fault that they suffer from not having autism — but that doesn’t reduce the impact their condition has on you. If you’re struggling to live with a person without...
See?! Autistic woman resists urge to wave diagnosis in face of everyone she’s ever had beef with
A newly diagnosed autistic woman has miraculously refrained from contacting everyone who’s ever misunderstood her socially, sources have confirmed. Paige Thomas, 28 – who finally received her autism diagnosis last week after three years on an NHS waiting list – described the development as “in...
“We’re all a bit autistic” says woman who doesn’t realise she’s a lot autistic
A woman who thinks “everyone’s a little bit autistic” has no idea she’s the most autistic woman to ever autism, it has been rumoured. Beth Hapworth, 45, made the claim after suggesting her autistic friend’s struggles to be “just what everyone goes through, right?” She...
We didn’t want to give her the autism label, say parents of woman with five mental health diagnoses
A couple has expressed relief that their now-adult autistic daughter didn’t receive her diagnosis in childhood – despite developing a string of psychiatric illnesses during that time. Paul and Mary Shinter, 56 and 58, had their suspicions “something was off” since Paige – now 25...
Coincidence! Neurotypical woman raising awareness of autism also wants you to buy these gut vitamins
A neurotypical woman who has selflessly dedicated her life to raising awareness about autism also wouldn’t mind if you bought these gut vitamins, it has been reported. Karen Hoyland, 42, spends most of her day talking about the “devastating impact” autism has on families and...
Woman outraged to learn that inner child work is unpaid
An autistic woman has been shocked to discover “inner child work” is not a means to generate income – halfway through a course of therapy. Sarah Harrow, 27, had been seeing an NHS professional for eight weeks when she arrived at the realisation that she...
Newly diagnosed autistic woman offered follow-up appointment with Twitter dickheads
A late-diagnosed autistic woman seeking further support has been generously offered limitless sessions on social media with some cunts, it has been reported. Paula Mulberry, 41, spent three years on an NHS waiting list before her suspicions that she might be autistic were confirmed. When...
Autistic woman forced to undergo hour of small talk rewarded with haircut
An autistic woman is reportedly “horrified” after being forced to partake in 56 minutes of drawn out chatter in exchange for a simple cut and blow – and then being asked to pay £40 for her ordeal. Sarah Harrow, 33, from Crosby, realised her mistake...
“I think?” Autistic woman prefaces highly specific knowledge to sound less weird
An autistic woman has honed the art of looking normal – despite having a near-encyclopaedic knowledge of all three Bridget Jones films, it has been rumoured. Ellie Mulligan, 34, knows extensive character lore, filming facts and even where they bought Mark Darcy’s folding underpants from. ...
