Autistic women “chameleon-like” due to their long sticky tongues, say experts
Autistic women are indeed like “chameleons” but for rather different reasons than initially thought, experts have discovered. The average autistic woman is believed to have a tongue length of at least 10 to 12 feet, roughly twice the length of their body, and is thought…
Heroes! Parents who love autistic child eagerly await medal
Self-described “autism parents” who “love their child with autism” have reportedly been left disappointed after discovering there’s no medal for loving your own offspring. Graeme and Karen Hoyland, both 38, have insisted that they wouldn’t change seven-year-old Finley Rice for the world – “even though...
Failure! Overprepared autistic woman forgets to pack the one thing someone wants to borrow
An autistic woman who usually leaves the house with every practical item anyone might ever need has apologised for her lack of foresight after failing to pack the one thing a stranger asked for. Beth Hapworth, 27, usually carries around enough supplies to survive an...
Autistic woman celebrates rare burst of energy by running herself into the ground again
An autistic woman experiencing a rare burst of energy has decided to mark the occasion by doing all the things that exhausted her in the first place. Navya Randhawa, 36, was recently forced to take a week off work following a debilitating episode of burnout...
Pair of dyscalculiac friends can just about add up between the three of them
A couple of autistic friends who also have dyscalculia have managed to compensate for their spiky skill set between the three of them, an indeterminate number of reports have indicated. Emma Bernard, ?, and Sabeen Bhatt, ???, have been best friends since they were placed...
Red-handed! Autistic woman caught on Ring doorbell rehearsing conversation
An autistic woman has been captured on her doorbell camera rehearsing social interactions, eyewitnesses have reported. Emma Wilkes, 29, from Warrington – who installed the camera after a security scare – noticed last week that she’d been practising mini conversations with herself before entering her...
“Amateur hour” says autistic woman celebrating Pancake Year
An autistic woman has branded neurotypical Pancake Day celebrations “a pathetic effort,” in an exclusive interview. Megan Aldrich, 29, is so dedicated to Shrove Tuesday that she also celebrates Shrove Monday, Shrove Wednesday, Shrove Thursday, Shrove Friday and Shrove Saturday, year-round, without a break. “Technically...
Autistic woman tries her luck with “Let’s leave it until after Pancake Day” email
An autistic woman is reportedly hoping her “let’s leave it until after Pancake Day” suggestion will successfully discourage unwanted work requests. Despite having recently returned from Christmas leave, Emma Bernard, 29, from Stockport, is said to be looking forward to “a well-deserved break” over what...
Autistic woman’s best version of herself is The Sims version of herself
An autistic woman has been distraught to discover that the best version of herself only exists within a life-simulation video game, it has been announced. Sarah Harrow, 24, from Nantwich, boasts to prospective employers that she owns three properties, five Birthday Hot Tubs and has...
Trust your gut? Autistic woman’s intuition feels pretty much the same as generalised anxiety disorder
An autistic woman told by her therapist to “trust your instincts” is reportedly struggling to discern her instincts from her debilitating anxiety disorder. Alma Montague, 34, could be holed up indoors with the curtains drawn because of her irrational terror of the outside world –...
Support dog helping autistic person cope with neurotypical family
A support dog is transforming the life of an autistic person by helping them cope with their neurotypical relatives, it has been reported. Barclay – a three-year-old Labrador retriever – helps Jay Chester, 18, endure the trials and tribulations of living with a family that...
Autistic toddler hitting all developmental milestones realises she’s inadvertently fucked it
An autistic toddler who has hit all of her developmental milestones on time has realised she may have unintentionally shot herself in the foot. Lottie Fitzgerald, three, displays a number of typical autistic traits – although her attempts at mimicking neurotypical communication have completely fooled...
Woman wishes she was in fact less aware of eating disorder this week
An autistic woman would love to be less aware of her eating disorder during Eating Disorder Awareness Week, it has been reported. According to sources, Natasha Weaving, 33, from County Durham, would quite like to exchange the constant calorie-counting monologue in her brain for a...
