“Innocent looking” autistic woman hiding thoughts of obscene filth
An autistic woman mistaken for being “naïve” and “a total sweetheart” is concealing a rank and sordid mind of darkness and debauchery, it has been rumoured. Despite her cheerful, open smile and guileless expression, Kelsey Dacey, 32, constantly daydreams about Satanic rituals, mutual masturbation and…
Autistic woman actually more of a manic pixie reality girl
An autistic woman frequently mistaken for a manic pixie dream girl is actually more of a manic pixie cold-hard-dose-of-reality girl, it has been confirmed. Beth Hapworth, 26, who is often confused by straight men for the whimsical nymph of their male-gazey fantasies, will, in fact,...
Assistance required! Autistic woman’s self-checkout ruined by two simple words
An autistic woman’s weekly shop has ended in disaster after she was forced to interact with a person at the self-checkout, according to sources. Sabeen Bhatt, 42, was innocently scanning her groceries when the self-checkout prompted her for ID. Before she could cancel – or...
Wow! Autistic woman’s bisexuality makes her extra invisible
An autistic woman’s bisexuality has made her even more invisible than if she were just a regular autistic woman, sources have claimed. Tricia Squire, 34, has been gradually fading out of existence since her teen years, when her autism and bisexuality began a race to...
Autistic woman afraid to tarnish new notebook with bland insipid little life
An autistic woman is terrified of ruining a new notebook with her unoriginal, humiliating internal monologue, sources have revealed. Emma Bernard, 29, who purchased the A5 floral-patterned notebook last week while visiting an art gallery, is reportedly determined that it will remain on the shelf...
Ugh! Autistic woman about to do stupid right thing again
An autistic woman is reportedly yet again about to do the wretched morally correct thing, even though it will cost her dearly. Tricia Squire, 34, told reporters that all she wants is a quiet life – but try telling that to her horrid, self-righteous little...
Autistic woman struggles to define “sexually active” without massively telling on herself
An autistic woman asked by her doctor whether she is sexually active reportedly has no idea how to answer the question without detailing her entire sexual history. Alma Montague, 30, was seeing doctor Christine Smout, 49, for a checkup when she was ambushed with the...
Autistic woman boldly embarks on 59th career change
An autistic woman has baffled her friends and relatives by switching career every few days, with each job more strange and confusing than the last, sources have claimed. Pippa Durham, 39, who holds a first-class degree in Anglo Saxon, Norse and Celtic, had intended to...
Autistic woman sets new world record in running from demands
An autistic woman has set a new world record for speed in avoiding all direct requests made of her, it has been reported. Ffiona Maw, 29, has managed to successively run away from all tasks that have been required from her since 2011 – including...
Autistic woman’s one-step skincare routine is better than nothing, she guesses
An autistic woman’s one-step skincare routine is reportedly better than a no-step skincare routine – probably. 37-year-old Emma Bernard used to make the effort to cleanse, tone and moisturise twice a day – but then they changed what you’re supposed to do to include all...
Autistic people are faking it for benefits, says man who thinks government wants to make him rich
A local man believes autistic people are “faking it” in a bid to take away the abundant riches promised to him by the government, sources have said. Paul Shinter, 49, says that the UK government has lots of cash it wants to distribute to the...
Autistic woman deceived by false promise of quiet train carriage
An autistic woman has been left devastated to discover that “quiet carriage” signs on trains are essentially meaningless, according to reports. Megan Aldrich, 34, booked a seat in the quiet carriage for her morning commute in the hope of preventing a severe case of sensory...
Friend autistic woman likes but wasn’t expecting to see might as well be Slenderman
An autistic woman who unexpectedly bumped into a good friend while out is reportedly unsure of why she’s reacted like she’s encountered a terrifying creature coming at her with outstretched limbs. Beth Hapworth, 31, from Ormskirk, was taking a pleasant evening stroll around her local...
