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    News

    AuDHD ghost late for haunting died ten years and two days ago this very night 

    Andrew Hickey, 6 months ago 2 min read  

    A motorist has once again failed to pick up the ghost of AuDHD woman on the anniversary of her death, sources have revealed, as she completely forgot she was meant to turn up at all until two days later. Cameron Brereton, 32, did not pick…

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    News

    Demon spirit just woman who got out the bath asking you to pass her a towel 

    A demon spirit initially sighted by a man in his apartment was actually an autistic woman who just wanted someone to pass her a towel, it has been revealed. Dexter Livingstone, 31, was lying in bed typing a WhatsApp message when he spotted the vengeful...
    Elsa Williams, 7 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Scary? Autistic man’s favourite porno is A Quiet Place  

    An autistic man has issued a statement calling on the public not to kink shame him over his unusual choice of masturbatoy material.  Onanist, Cameron Brereton, 28, explained that he has eschewed mainstream pornography in favour of the 2018 horror movie, A Quiet Place. Brereton’s...
    Sara Gibbs, 7 months ago 1 min read  
    Love, News

    Flirting? Autistic woman thought ghost was just really into pottery 

    An autistic potter has only just realised that she has been conducting an intense love affair with a ghost for the last three months, and not just teaching him about creating earthenware, it has been announced.  Dexter Livingstone, 27, started turning up in the workshop...
    Andrew Hickey, 7 months ago 2 min read  
    News

    Zombie sighting just autistic woman who checked out of conversation 

    An apparent zombie sighting has since been revealed to be an autistic woman who had zoned out of a situation she wished she wasn’t physically present in, sources have confirmed.  Emma Bernard, 31, from Bolton, was in fact alive and breathing whilst cousin Megan Aldrich,...
    Elsa Williams, 7 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Robbed! Autistic man’s niche Halloween costume inexplicably fails to win contest  

    An autistic man has demanded a recount after his hyper-specific Halloween costume failed to impress judges at a costume contest.  Lloyd Didcot, 45, was reportedly “shocked and outraged” when not a single judge correctly identified that he was dressed as Paul Tanner, second trombonist in...
    Sara Gibbs, 7 months ago 1 min read  
    Fashion, News

    Uncanny! Autistic woman dons neurotypical Halloween costume for third decade running  

    An autistic woman has announced plans to dress up as a neurotypical woman for the 11,162th time in their lifetime this Halloween, it has been reported.  Natasha Weaving, 30, from Elton, spends the whole year dressing “somebody much less weird” than she actually is –...
    Elsa Williams, 7 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Boo! Ghost triggers autistic man’s RSD by heckling him  

    An autistic man has had his rejection-sensitive dysphoria triggered after a ghost booed him, it has been reported. Avid ghost hunter Lucas Fletcher, 32, always hoped to encounter a disembodied spirit – but was left “devastated” when an apparition of a beheaded monk instantly disapproved...
    Sara Gibbs, 7 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Horror! Pink willy witches coven actually hen night 

    An autistic woman who swore she spotted a pink willy witches coven actually stumbled across a hen night, it has been confirmed.  Emma Bernard, 25, from Liverpool, observed the terrifying scene whilst walking home through the city centre last Saturday evening.  Bernard explained: “A loud...
    Elsa Williams, 7 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    She’s gone method! Woman inspired by Exorcist refuses to leave bed  

    An autistic woman recently inspired by The Exorcist (1973) is refusing to leave her bed this Halloween, according to reports.  Siobhan Moorton, 34, from Newton-le-Willows, issued the statement: “I’m not depressed, I’m possessed.”  “Honestly, I’ve been having such a rough mental health time recently,” Moorton’s...
    Elsa Williams, 7 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Grisly! AuDHD woman‘s home contains graveyard of special interests  

    An auDHD woman is basically a serial killer but for special interests, authorities have claimed. Police discovered a vast graveyard of remnants of bygone special interests in the residence of Ffiona Maw, 40, with the accused allegedly having kept trophies from over 200 victims.  PC...
    Sara Gibbs, 7 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Phew! Autistic person who bumped into acquaintance relieved to be sucked down grate by clown 

    An autistic person about to risk running into somebody they knew in public described themselves as “grateful” to be dragged away by a scary clown, say sources. Kit McGodden, 26, was walking through the ASDA car park when they spotted former schoolteacher Sarah Harrow, 56,...
    Elsa Williams, 7 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman in slasher movie becomes final girl by never answering phone 

    An autistic woman in a slasher movie has become the final girl by default thanks to her aversion to picking up phone calls. Lottie Fitzgerald, 21, was reportedly the intended victim of anonymous murderer, Ghostface, but despite numerous attempts, she could not be contacted.  Ghostface...
    Sara Gibbs, 7 months ago 1 min read  
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