Boo! Ghost triggers autistic man’s RSD by heckling him
An autistic man has had his rejection-sensitive dysphoria triggered after a ghost booed him, it has been reported. Avid ghost hunter Lucas Fletcher, 32, always hoped to encounter a disembodied spirit – but was left “devastated” when an apparition of a beheaded monk instantly disapproved…
Horror! Pink willy witches coven actually hen night
An autistic woman who swore she spotted a pink willy witches coven actually stumbled across a hen night, it has been confirmed. Emma Bernard, 25, from Liverpool, observed the terrifying scene whilst walking home through the city centre last Saturday evening. Bernard explained: “A loud...
She’s gone method! Woman inspired by Exorcist refuses to leave bed
An autistic woman recently inspired by The Exorcist (1973) is refusing to leave her bed this Halloween, according to reports. Siobhan Moorton, 34, from Newton-le-Willows, issued the statement: “I’m not depressed, I’m possessed.” “Honestly, I’ve been having such a rough mental health time recently,” Moorton’s...
Grisly! AuDHD woman‘s home contains graveyard of special interests
An auDHD woman is basically a serial killer but for special interests, authorities have claimed. Police discovered a vast graveyard of remnants of bygone special interests in the residence of Ffiona Maw, 40, with the accused allegedly having kept trophies from over 200 victims. PC...
Phew! Autistic person who bumped into acquaintance relieved to be sucked down grate by clown
An autistic person about to risk running into somebody they knew in public described themselves as “grateful” to be dragged away by a scary clown, say sources. Kit McGodden, 26, was walking through the ASDA car park when they spotted former schoolteacher Sarah Harrow, 56,...
Autistic woman in slasher movie becomes final girl by never answering phone
An autistic woman in a slasher movie has become the final girl by default thanks to her aversion to picking up phone calls. Lottie Fitzgerald, 21, was reportedly the intended victim of anonymous murderer, Ghostface, but despite numerous attempts, she could not be contacted. Ghostface...
Fright night? Autistic woman frightened every night by The Thoughts
An autistic woman doesn’t have to wait until Halloween to freak herself out due to grappling with existential despair 365 nights a year, it has been reported. Every evening, Niamh Callaghan, 31, from Manchester, journeys through a real-life horror film – happening in her head. ...
Autistic boy goes trick-or-treating as sheet with eye holes cut out
An autistic boy’s Halloween costume has caused him to be repeatedly be mistaken for a ghost despite him clearly being a boy wearing a sheet with eye holes cut out, sources have revealed. Finley Rice, seven, had been excited to unveil his homemade costume, but...
Crazy! Dress like a mental patient this Halloween with joggers and a hoodie
Forget the straitjacket costumes! It’s time to REALLY dress mentally ill. Frighten all your friends on October 31st… by dressing like a regular person. To get that fresh-from-the-insane-asylum look, you’ll need a comfy sweater, some tracksuit bottoms and… wait, that’s it, you’re done! Who would...
Terrifying! Autistic woman unmasks for Halloween
An autistic woman has scared everybody shitless by unmasking her autism for Halloween, according to reports. Emma Bernard, 30, from Leicester, has spent the day terrifying colleagues at the office by commiting to the horrifying act of being herself. Despite one overzealous coworker turning up...
Smart! Autistic woman to deter trick-or-treaters by placing orange severed head by door
An autistic woman has announced plans to scare trick-or-treaters away by appointing a severed head carved from a spooky orange vegetable the guardian of her door. Megan Aldrich, 40, made the decision after last year’s hanging skeleton failed have the desired effect. Aldrich explained: “I...
Scary! Neurotypical decorates home with chilling motivational quotes
A neurotypical woman has reportedly terrified guests with her collection of eerie wall quotes. Deborah Whitehead, 57, from Cheshire, has chosen to furnish her home with obnoxiously positive wall prints, even in the bathroom – in case you were ever thinking about going in there...
I lived it! Autistic woman misdiagnosed as vampire
A 39-year-old woman has finally received an autism diagnosis after years of being misdiagnosed as a bloodsucking creature of the night, it has been announced. Siobhan Moorton’s autistic traits were reportedly missed due to the sheer volume that overlapped with vampirism. Moorton explained: “My light...
