Autistic woman’s facial expressions and tone of voice unable to work together due to creative differences
An autistic woman has issued a statement explaining that her facial expressions and tone of voice are unable to work together due to having entirely different visions for their performances. Ellie Mulligan, 33, has spent three decades trying to foster a positive collaboration between the…
“Gullible” autistic man believes people when they tell him stuff
An autistic man has been branded “gullible” by his peers for foolishly taking the things other people say at face value, it has been rumoured. Cameron Brereton, 25, has become known as an easy mark, as he naively believes people he likes and trusts are...
Milda Spergers! Wizard author announces first autistic character
A well-known British children’s fantasy author has confirmed that she’s written her first ever autistic character, according to sources. Jean Sloping, 59 – known for her Henry Twiddle book series set in a magical wizard academy – revealed the addition of a young witch student...
People pleaser pleases nobody
An autistic person who tries to please other people has somehow managed to achieve the exact opposite result, sources have confirmed. Jay Chester, 28, who strives to ensure that everyone is always happy with them at all times, reportedly failed to factor in that people...
Song played on repeat getting really annoyed at listener
Headline by Andrew Hickey An autistic woman’s favourite song is sick and tired of having to constantly be on all the time, it has been reported. Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo, one and a half, has begged Paige Thomas, 24, to give it a break after...
Spectrum 10k: “And we would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling autistics”
The minds behind the now-cancelled Spectrum 10k project are really quite ticked off that their totally non-creepy plan to collect autistic DNA has been scuppered by a gang of scrappy autistics, it has been rumoured. The project, which asked autistic subjects for their saliva for...
Neurozesty neurodeviant learns to love neurofruity neuroheretical brain
A neurowiggly little neurobabe has finally learned to accept her neuroquirks, neurotraits and general neurowhimsy, according to sources. Avery Mann, 38, fell into a deep despair after being diagnosed as autistic last year. Now that she has gotten the help she needs, cleaned out the...
“What are you thinking?” therapist asks AuDHD woman thinking about viral reel
An autistic woman with ADHD who paused for a prolonged period during a therapy session was actually recalling a recent Instagram reel, it has been revealed. Sarah Harrow, 25, has been attending regular weekly appointments with an experienced counsellor – but worries when her mind...
Mortifying! Autistic woman forgets to mirror exactly same amount of kisses at end of text
An autistic woman has been left “inconsolable” after sending a text with two kisses on the end when the acquaintance she had been texting had sent three, it has been rumoured. Navya Randhawa, 30, made the unforgivable error when attempting to book a hair appointment...
Vaccines cause autism, says worm that ate RFK Jr’s brain
The worm that infiltrated and feasted on RFK Jr’s brain has claimed that vaccines cause children to catch autism. The Great and Powerful Worm, 15, which faked its own death over a decade ago, has since been secretly acquiring territory, and has reportedly now consolidated...
Feminist boyfriend totally fine with autistic girlfriend being a crazy bitch
A self-proclaimed feminist man has reassured his autistic girlfriend that he supports her right to be batshit crazy at all times, it has been revealed. Jack Harrington, 30, totally acknowledges his privilege of being a man – especially as he is unencumbered by the lady...
Woman with “severely autistic” nephew fails to realise she’s tragically neurotypical
A woman who describes her autistic nephew as “severely autistic” is yet to recognise the true tragedy of her neurotypical brain, it has been reported. Deborah Whitehead, 58, from Alvanley, laments the imagined tragedy of an autistic man’s life – despite hers being blighted by...
Autistic woman aces job interview by mirroring worst person they know
An autistic woman struggling to find work has finally impressed an interview panel after mimicking the behaviour of the most insufferable human being they’ve ever met, sources have claimed. Miya Wilkes, 33, from Dingle, had a feeling that her usual interview strategy of “just being...
