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    Health, News

    “Why am I always so tired?” Asks autistic woman who exclusively eats pizza  

    Sara Gibbs, 5 months ago 1 min read  

    An autistic woman who subsists entirely on a diet of dough, tomato and cheese has appealed for answers as to why she’s dead on her feet, it has been rumoured.  Sarah Harrow, 37, is unfortunately too old to get away with eating like a student…

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    Celebrities, News

    Diversity win! Autistic child in school nativity cast as Chris Packham 

    A primary school teacher has achieved a landmark win for diversity after casting an autistic pupil as Chris Packham in a school nativity. Krista Shure, 63, was outraged at the lack of autistic representation in the original nativity story – and feared that Finley Rice,...
    Sarah Amero, 5 months ago 2 min read  
    News

    It’s here! Your social faux pas Wrapped for 2024 

    Your year in cringe – from us! Here are some of the crucial moments that defined the past 365 days, for you – and as your brain at 3am says, everybody else. According to our data, you interrupted your colleagues in a Zoom meeting 43...
    Elsa Williams, 5 months ago 2 min read  
    Health, News, Relationships

    Neurotypicals and autistics to compromise with medium talk  

    Allistic and autistic people have agreed to meet in the middle by engaging in medium talk, it has been announced.  In a deal brokered by expert peace negotiators, questions such as “how are you?” will now be answered with “fine, thanks” and no more than...
    Sara Gibbs, 5 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Autistic town to host first Christmas light switch-off  

    A small Northern town with an unusually high proportion of autistic inhabitants is due to take part in the first ever Christmas light switch off, according to reports. Known as the De-Luminations, locals will gather to see street lights dimmed and neon signs dulled during...
    Elsa Williams, 5 months ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Autistic child challenges scientific efficacy of boo-boo kissing   

    An autistic girl has raised concerns about the validity of her parents “kissing her boo-boos” as a form of first-aid, it has been rumoured.  Seven-year-old Mary Walker has scoured scientific journals but has yet to find any peer-reviewed evidence that kissing minor injuries makes them...
    Sara Gibbs, 5 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Fuck! Neurotypical advent calendar reveals different shaped chocolate every day 

    An autistic person has been left in a state of “shock and disbelief” after learning their advent calendar contains a different-shaped chocolate every day, reports have confirmed. After yesterday morning’s unveiling of a piece of chocolate shaped like the jolly face of Father Christmas, Becky...
    Elsa Williams, 5 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Wow! Autistic woman who struggles to read a room manages not to sexually harass people 

    Despite having an autism diagnosis, a woman has survived a whole lifetime without sexually harassing anybody in the workplace, it has been reported. Emma Bernard, 33, from Ancoats, finds it difficult to decipher social situations at the best of times – yet has mysteriously managed...
    Elsa Williams, 5 months ago 1 min read  
    Friendships, News

    Argh! Autistic woman can’t tell anyone how well she’s keeping secret  

    An autistic woman is reportedly “losing her fucking mind” due to being unable to tell anyone how competently she’s keeping a secret, it has been rumoured. Paige Thomas, 40, who found out the freakiest shit about a friend’s husband, Jack Harrington, 45, has been sworn...
    Sara Gibbs, 5 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman considers revoking diagnosis after single successful social interaction 

    An autistic woman is questioning the validity of her diagnosis after she successfully managed a single social interaction, sources have revealed. Megan Aldrich, 33, was challenged by a member of staff at her local coffee shop to have a reciprocal social exchange while he made...
    Sarah Amero, 5 months ago 2 min read  
    Health, News

    Woman who spent life masking autism to avoid attention now accused of faking autism for attention 

    A late-discovered autistic woman who spent her whole life masking her autistic traits in order to avoid attracting attention has recently been accused of faking her autism diagnosis to obtain said attention.  Avery Mann, 31, received her autism diagnosis after four years on an NHS...
    Sara Gibbs, 5 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Great news! Childhood bully births really ugly baby 

    An autistic woman is reportedly overjoyed that her high school nemesis has birthed a satisfyingly ugly baby.  Freya Emerson, 28, was stalking the Facebook page of former classmate Libby Buckingham, 29, when she discovered the image of the frightening spud-like creature.  “She used to make...
    Elsa Williams, 5 months ago 1 min read  
    Health, News, Work

    Autistic hypnotist: “look around my eyes” 

    An autistic hypnotist has reasonably adjusted his job role by masking his lack of eye contact with clever trickery, it has been rumoured.  Anand Trivedi, 49, manages to avoid making eye contact with his subjects by looking between, or around, their eyeballs.  Trivedi explained: “They...
    Sara Gibbs, 5 months ago 1 min read  
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