The scary monster living under an autistic man’s bed has reportedly got some concerns of its own, according to sources.

Nightmare-being Graeme, an eldritch horror comprised of grasping, clutching shadow, has been living under 31-year-old Dexter Livingstone’s bed since they were both children. However, Graeme is growing increasingly worried about its companion’s lifestyle, which it says is beginning to make it feel a bit redundant.

Graeme said: “I keep trying to grab Dexter’s ankle just so I can say ‘Hey, bud, I know you work from home, but maybe that’s all the more reason to get outside for a bit? I know I thrive off your waking anxieties, but capitalising on your vitamin D deficiency feels like punching down’.”

“And I’m sure those lads from Love and Deepspace have sparkling personalities, but there are multiple actual men who have a crush on you. I’m just saying, real-life dating might work out cheaper in the long run.”

Graeme has since resorted to haunting Livingstone’s nightmares with visions of bank statements replete with in-app purchases.

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