A man is seeking to return his autism diagnosis, having changed his mind about his enthusiasm for trains after actually riding on one, it has been revealed.
Dexter Livingstone, 25, rode the London Underground from Liverpool Street to Hammersmith during rush hour in July. His reasons remain unclear, but commentators speculate that they must have had something to do with debilitating self-hatred.
“I can’t quite pinpoint the moment when I realised I had made a terrible, terrible mistake,” Livingstone commented. “Was it the approaching train belching hot air into my face while 400 people sought to shove me over the edge of the platform to certain death?”
“Or was it the carriage shrieking as it shot through the darkness, like it was carting us all off to hell?” Livingstone continued. “Or the 30 suffocating, stinking minutes I spent with my nose inserted into the armpit of a tall man who was hanging on to a grab rail?”
“Clearly I’ve made a colossal error of judgement. This is not my sort of thing at all. I can’t press control-z on a real world diagnosis, can I? Maybe I can take my receipt back to the autism shop?”
Livingstone has yet to find his autism receipt, but he suspects it is buried underneath the mountains of train memorabilia he got for Christmas.
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