Your year in cringe – from us! Here are some of the crucial moments that defined the past 365 days, for you – and as your brain at 3am says, everybody else.
According to our data, you interrupted your colleagues in a Zoom meeting 43 times. So what if you were chipping in out of enthusiasm, or merely echoing in agreement? All the team heard was the selfish buzz of your mic threatening to overtake a conversation, and everybody thinks you’re despicable.
You arrived to a total of 17 occasions dressed inappropriately. Most notably, the day you wore a two-piece tuxedo to interview for that fish counter job at Lidl.
You managed to make direct eye contact a grand total of three times! After all, people say you should try and do that more. One of those was with a creepy-looking bearded bloke in a khaki jacket, who then tried to follow you home on the bus.
You spent 119 minutes trying to decipher idioms – which to others are universal, yet to you might as well be morse code. This can be very dangerous. “Bite the bullet” does NOT mean chow down on a tiny vibrator.
Your favourite topic was the 1981 Penlee Lifeboat Disaster. Then it was Ancient Greece. Then bookbinding. Then you watched a documentary about that woman who got catfished, and subsequently never thought about any of these things again.
People told you: “wow, you don’t look autistic!” 30,496 times. Unless you’re a man, then they didn’t.
Finally: you spent 525,600 minutes trying much harder than everybody else for a social result that was still, ultimately, worse than if you hadn’t tried at all. Go you!
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