An autistic woman with the connective tissue disorder Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome has debuted a brand new pose at a yoga class that nobody asked for or knows how to handle, according to reports.

Ffiona Maw, 32, from Carlisle, reportedly heard screams from the surrounding women in lycra – before realising that her body was doing “that thing” again.

Maw explained: “When I saw my reflection in the studio mirror, I didn’t even recognise myself. It was like a scene from The Substance mixed in with The Human Centipede.”

“I was just trying to copy the instructor,” Maw said. “Thanks to my hypermobile limbs, I ended with my legs round my ears and my wrists completely backwards. As you do.”

Instructor Becky Armitage, 27, commented: “Is she even human? She looks like a piece of Fusilli. Or a gnarled tree that’s blown down backwards in a very bad storm.”

“I mean, bodies shouldn’t do that,” class member Karen Hoyland, 42, stated, once safely outside. “I grabbed my Evian bottle and fled for my life.”

Remaining in position, Maw tried to scuttle across the floor to reassure everybody that she was fine – but this only caused her classmates to run, screaming, from the crab woman.

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