An autism researcher who believes it is “impossible to know what people with autism are thinking” also stuffs her ears with whatever she has handy whenever she actually encounters an autistic person, it has been revealed.
Dr. Karen Hoyland has gone to extreme lengths to uncover the mysteries of the autistic mind – and has reportedly done so without having to speak directly to a single one of us.
Dr. Hoyland commented: “People with autism are famously closed books, unable to express their true selves. Apart from the ones that keep yelling at me on the Internet. They can shut the fuck up.”
“Since they can’t tell me what’s going on for them – mainly because I’ve blocked them all and also jammed marshmallow fluff into my earholes – I have to find other ways of studying them,” Dr. Hoyland continued. “I’m like that woman who lived among the chimps – if the chimps were trying to talk to her and she was yelling ‘lalalalala can’t hear you.’”
Autistic test subject, Paige Thomas, 44, said: “All I really want is for society to be more accessible. Reckon you could work on that?”
Dr. Hoyland was not available to respond as she had moved into a soundproof, autism-proof booth where she could rifle through our diaries in peace.
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