Christmas is a sensory hellscape at the best of times; visiting family and drinking their weird tap water that Just Doesn’t Taste Right, scratchybad festive jumpers that make you feel like you’re being squeezed to death by a large, hairy snake, and being expected to make small talk at the office Christmas party all conspire to make the festive period a minefield of No Thank You, That Is Too Much.
However, it is not all doom and festive gloom. There is light amongst the chaos. Mainly: the things you get inside a Christmas cracker that you can use as little stim toys to regain some small measure of composure while the paper hat clings to your head like it’s trying to burst it.
Today, we’re going to look at some of these objects, and work out whether the sensory distractions they offer are worth the horrid unpredictable bang noise.
Four pencils, for some reason
We’re off to a terrible start with these guys. Too small to spin around your fingers, not the right shapes for balancing, and probably definitely too poisonous to have a good chew on. Absolutely not worth the horrible noise.
Interlocking metal puzzle
After the initial thrill of having a new puzzle to play with wears off, the cold metal loops and springs still click together in a satisfying way. More than enough to help keep you sane during an Uncle’s Anecdote.
Plastic yo-yo
Doesn’t really function as a yo-yo and isn’t the right shape or size to Feel Nice when you hold and rub it. Basically the opposite of a fidget toy. A restfulness…computer. Terrible.
Nail clippers
The downside of these are that you will want to try them out, and that is not dinner table appropriate, but on the plus side, you can pretend that they’re a miniature shark that wants to eat your fingernails, and that’s some priceless festive whimsy right there.
Tiny deck of playing cards
They’re so tiny! Like you’ve robbed a tiny magician, or you’re a giant that works in a casino for some reason! Fidgeting with a tiny deck of playing cards is always a joy, but the risk of being heartbroken when the Jack of Diamonds falls in some gravy is not to be underestimated.
Hopefully this guide has made you feel more comfortable with your odds of getting a pleasant thing to fiddle with at the price of a loud bang. And remember, if worst comes to worst, you can always see how many roast potatoes you can stack on top of each other before anybody notices.
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