A child whose parents refused to “give them the autism label” is still, inexplicably, autistic as fuck, it has been rumoured.
Despite her parents declining to label her, Megan Aldrich, seven, still refuses to eat foods that are touching, smile for the camera or believe in the preposterous tale of a red-suited jolly man who climbs down chimneys to deliver gifts to every child on the planet in a single night.
Karen Aldrich, 40, said: “We’ve tried ignoring her differences, we’ve tried a laundry list of increasingly implausible explanations and we’ve tried prayer, for some reason. But she still insists boiled carrots ‘make her mouth feel funny’.”
Graeme Aldrich, also 40, agreed: “I’ve always believed that if you ignore something for long enough, it goes away on its own. Like when I was a kid and I stopped feeding my goldfish. But it’s proving impossible to flush Megan’s autism down the loo.”
Megan Aldrich commented: “Mum, why do I feel so weird?”
Karen Aldrich responded: “No you don’t.”
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