Hats off! Workplace officially recognised as autism unfriendly
A company has won a prestigious award for being completely inaccessible to autistic people. “I was blown away by the glaring lighting and below average chatter,” said chief executive Gavin Monks, 39, who presented the certificate during a ceremony. “Along with the overly elaborate processes...
Autistic child’s career prospects “greatly improved” by parents posting meltdowns online
An autistic child has issued a statement thanking his parents for increasing his future employment prospects by constantly posting videos of his most vulnerable and private moments on the Internet. Finley Rice, seven, said: “My parents have been working tirelessly to build me a brand...
It’s all good material, says autistic woman who will never do stand-up
An autistic woman with zero desire to enter the comedy circuit convinces herself “it’s all good material” every time her life starts falling to pieces, it has been revealed. Paige Thomas, 31, from Old Trafford, insists on using the helpful phrase when things go wrong...
Fraud! Autistic woman forgets to clarify she can’t speak for all autistic people
An autistic woman is under fire after unloading to colleagues about her cancelled train without first making it clear that she doesn’t speak for all autistic people, it has been reported. Recruitment consultant Paige Thomas, 27, is said to have sparked complaints to HR after...
Autistic woman mistakes shit workplace lighting for aurora borealis
An autistic woman who claimed to have seen the Northern Lights “multiple times” was actually just thinking of the ones at her open-plan office, it has been revealed. Alma Montague, 38, from Wallasey, described being confused by the excitement on social media – as spectacular...
Autistic woman “pretty confident” she can perform complex brain surgery after 5th binge-watch of Grey’s Anatomy
An autistic woman has been formally asked to leave St. John’s Hospital in Lambeth after “lurking” in the reception for three days straight, following yet another rewatch of medical drama, Grey’s Anatomy. After being forcibly removed from the waiting area, Beth Hapworth, 38 – who...
Autistic woman brings whole self to work and is subsequently sacked
A woman encouraged to bring her “whole self” to work has since been sacked, sources claim. Emma Bernard, 27, had seemed quiet and reserved when starting her office job four months ago. Naturally, her new team noticed and decided to step in. To the horror...
Psychic! Neurotypical workplace trainer explains what it’s like to have autism
A non-autistic workplace trainer has really made colleagues think after delivering a presentation explaining exactly what it’s like to “have autism,” sources have revealed. Graeme Hart, 42, was hired by an unnamed Fortune 500 company as part of their Neurodiversity Celebration Week – a brief...
